Getting This Shitshow Under Control

I started interviewing personal trainers this week, in a feeble effort to get my fitness back on track. I’ve gained about 15 lbs since my marathon last September, and I definitely don’t feel comfortable in my skin these days. I feel like I’m pushing maximum density. I know that’s not really the case, I mean, I was 200 lbs in grad school. Still, it’s about how I feel, and it’s definitely time to get the slender girl back in the game.

The first personal trainer was, well, interesting. I’ve never seen more workout equipment packed into a smaller space. You had to step over some things to get to other things, and there was no place to put a bag or hang a jacket. Really crazy. The guy was super enthusiastic, and I actually have some faith in his abilities, but it seems like he’s crammed his entire life into one 800 square foot space. Literally, his wife was training someone else, there was a dog, and his child was in a playpen along one wall. I’m not even sure there was a bathroom.

He put me through paces with three exercises: back squats, box squats, and overhead press. He was super specific about how I did each movement, which is great, but it was different from the way I was taught to do them by my coach in Albuquerque, who not only has a master’s degree in physical fitness, but is also a professional BMX racer.

Still, this place is good because it’s within walking distance of my house. It takes about 20 minutes to get there. Adding in 40 minutes of walking can’t be a bad thing, ever. That is time taken out of work, though. Sessions are only 45 minutes. If I buy 40 of them ahead of time, they are $50/session. $2k.

The second personal trainer I talked with was via Zoom, which was, for me, sort of a red flag. If you are offered a free session, talk to me in person, put me through my paces, see what I’m capable of physically. But she put me at ease. She spent 45 minutes with me, showing me her studio and talking with me about what I wanted to do. She was very receptive, the space looked clean and well-equipped, and I like the idea of working out with a female trainer.

I do worry that she will underestimate me. In my experience, male trainers often push me to the point of injury, and female trainers underestimate my abilities to the point where I don’t feel like I’m getting a good workout. So I hope this lady is a little dominatrix. I hope she kicks my ass.

I have appointments with both of these people again next week. I’m going to give each of them another shot. Do I want to work out in a weight-hoarder’s garage, or in a clean yoga space on the 5th floor?

I have one more interview with a personal trainer at a place near my work. We’ll see how that goes. It’s in more of a gym setting, which sits less well with me. But again, proximity to my work means I’ll go. Of the three this would probably be favorite, as the best thing after work is a walk to the local weight-throwing establishment for some well-deserved flagellation. Again, the trainer is a woman, so I have to make sure she’s actually going to help me lift heavy. I guess we’ll see.

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