Unpacking, and not.

I’m back in the Rose City, the Pearl of the Willamette, the Pride of Oregon, the…well, you get the idea. I’m back in the land of flowers and oxygen, where vegetables don’t need to be convinced to grow and water literally falls out of the sky. I’ve unpacked my suitcase. I still need to wrench […]

Pride’s Head Revisited

So here’s the thing, dear Ghost, heeeere’s the pickle I’m in. I’m having a blast with my ex, we’re doing the things we’re the absolute best at this weekend, which is riding bikes in all contexts. Pump track, jump track, BMX track. We’re having fun. We’re being generally chatty and congenial. I saw and spent […]

Once More Into The Fray

Oh, dear Ghost, what have I done? Well, I’ll tell you what I’ve done. I’ve once again ensconced myself inside a little metal tube with a bunch of people who may or may not be riddled with COVID. I’ve once again deliberately put myself into a situation where an encounter with my ex is possible, […]

Memento Mori

I went into the leasing office in my apartment building earlier this afternoon because they have Milk Bones for Eden and Three Musketeers minis for me. While Eden was munching loudly and I was discreetly pocketing my guilty pleasure, I noticed a woman sitting on the office couch. She looked distraught. She was talking with […]

One and Done

A couple of weeks ago, dear Ghost, I wrote the following very unkind rant about a brand new, totally unfulfilling relationship as I was debating whether I should cut him loose: “I’ve set the bar pretty low. I mean, I spent 24 years with a man whose lack of emotional expression rivaled that of a […]

Toward Healing

I just finished my first week of the “Resiliency Reset” program. I’m hanging a lot on this. Five thousand dollars, for one thing. The improvement of my mental health, for another. The leader of this 12-week program came recommended by the therapist of a friend who’s been through some similar shit in the past couple […]

Bikes. POV.

Wut up, Ghost. My hamstrings hurt. Actually, when I think about it, they’ve hurt since I started racing BMX in 2014, so nothing’s really changed in 8 years. What I’m struggling with at the moment is whether I want to continue racing. People think it’s weird that I don’t know how to ride a normal […]

Getting This Shitshow Under Control

I started interviewing personal trainers this week, in a feeble effort to get my fitness back on track. I’ve gained about 15 lbs since my marathon last September, and I definitely don’t feel comfortable in my skin these days. I feel like I’m pushing maximum density. I know that’s not really the case, I mean, […]

The Love of My Life

How do you start to love someone you don’t really like? Say, for example, that you’ve mistreated this person for most of her life, repeatedly kicked her when she was down, constantly berated her for not measuring up and ridiculed her for her looks, her flaws, and her failures. Most people would never treat someone […]

Little Victories

Today I ran the Portland Shamrock Run. It was a huge race, over 15,000 people from 46 states and 19 countries. I usually avoid big races like this; they’re loud and frenetic and impersonal. But since I’m new to this city I thought I’d give this one a go. I’d signed up for the 15k […]